Penny for Your Thoughts
by Chesley Phillips

Welfare to Work! Achieving financial independence after a life on mom and dad's payroll

Need. As a child I thought I "needed" a lot of things. I "needed" the Trapper Keeper with the Golden Retriever puppies on it, I "needed" riding lessons, I "needed" new shoes for school. It wasn't until much later in life did I learn that none of those things was a necessity, but something for which I should have been much more thankful that I had. While my sisters and I never had money casually tossed our way as if it held no value, our parents' generosity was evident in our full closets, picture albums displaying photos of some pretty amazing vacations, and the latest "it" toys under our Christmas tree each year. As teenagers we were all given new cars, fancy dresses for formals and a credit card for "gas, reasonable spending and emergencies." It turned out that we three girls had a slightly more liberal definition of "reasonable spending" than dad did, but we usually found easier to ask for forgiveness than ask for permission…

I think college was supposed to be a financial transition. I had an allowance that was definitely more than necessary, yet I plowed through each check with fervor and often made the "dad, may I use your credit card?" call toward the end of the month. Not to mention that the parking tickets and campus book store charges went straight to mom and dad as well. More than once I got the "Chesley, maybe you don't need a new $40 sweatshirt" lecture, and/or the comparable "it really isn't that far from your designated parking lot to the dorm" comment. I always promised that I would be more responsible the next month…but I tended to forget.

After I walked across the stage to get my diploma my dad said two things: "Way to go!" shortly followed by "welfare to work!" The latter three words were commonly thrown around at home as we got closer to college graduation. We had been on dad's "welfare" program, but after college it was time to make our own way. Neither of my parents' childhoods could compare to what my sisters and I had (materialistically), and they wanted to make sure we knew that as adults we were our own source of income.
That said, I don't have enough room to mention each potential financial disaster that my parents bailed me out of after graduation. There is little I find more uncomfortable than asking my parents (or anyone else) for money these days but sometimes it was, what I thought, "my only option." I recently purchased a budgeting program on my computer (per dad's suggestion) and have come to see that "mom and dad to the rescue" should not be my only option. Here's an option: don't spend so much money on clothes and going out. I'm a huge fan of partying a shopping, so cutting back on those is definitely not the most fun alternative, but there is really no reason to spend so excessively on something with little or no long-term value.

I have also come to find that a woman's achievement of true financial independence has a noteworthy connection to her relationship status. You will never find me at a bra-burning rally, but every woman owes it to her sense of self-worth to live independently before sharing a bank account with her significant other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying into a country club membership, but you should have 100% confidence that if the unthinkable were to happen you'd have had the experience in the working world to know you won't have trouble finding a job to support yourself and your family, even if it might mean a change in lifestyle. I was in a serious relationship in my early twenties (now 26) in which I knew I'd never have to live paycheck-to-paycheck. So clouded by this sense of security was my perspective that I failed to see the blatant contrast in our personalities and long-term goals. This man and his family are truly wonderful people and it would have been a blessing to have one day been a part of it. However, hindsight has shown me that five years into a marriage would have found me stuck in something in which I would have felt suffocated, dependent, trapped and lost. I have since sold my horse (paid for using the money I earned in college scholarships), bought a condo and a dog, started what I hope to be a promising career and yes, lived paycheck-to-paycheck more often than not.

The above are personal anecdotes for what I want readers to pull from this article. However, if you're a bullet point girl this might help:

The bottom line is that you must find happiness outside of money. If you let money affect whether or not you are happy you will always be a little bit miserable. Yes, money can be stressful which is why it's so important to have a plan. It's okay to make some sacrifices. Find what works for you and stick to it.

(If you would like to submit your own story of a personal struggle or triumph with money, please email me at shannah@slcinsuranceservices.com.)

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